Being an asshole is a lifestyle AND a hobby

Today I pushed a middle schooler for fun. The middle schooler in question, Gaylord, happened to be holding a cup of Coca Cola, which spilled all over his brand new sweatshirt. Now, it may be sad that an eighteen year old black male blogs about pushing a prepubescent Asian causing him to have to wash a new article of clothing, but I tell you, this "me being a dick" is completely justified. I remember it like it was yesterday...

(Three years ago, in a cabin in Lake Tahoe)

Me: Fuck, when can we go snowboarding?
Herman: Tomorrow, nigga, common sense!

(A snowball whizzed by my ear, grazing my cornrows)

Me: What tha fuck was that?!

(Another snowball barely hits me in the face)

Gaylord: Hey Jones! Herman! Faggots!
Herman: What's his problem?
Me: Hey dipshit! Cut that gay shit out!
Gaylord: Fuck you! (rolls a snowball, causing me and Herman to run)

(That night, while Gaylord was in his room on the computer, me and Herman snuck a snowball into the cabin)

Me: Fuck you! (throws the snowball)

(Gaylord, being a gook, dodges it like gooks are supposed to and it smacks his clean new laptop)

Herman: Fuck.
Gaylord: BITCHESSS!

For some reason, flight not fight kicked in, and not wanting to beat the shit out of a fifth grader, me and Herman hauled our motherfucking asses out of fuck's sight. With Gaylord in hot pursuit, Herman and I slammed the door shut. Minutes later we heard a banging of the door with a chair. Long story short, somehow that asshole calmed down and we regarded him as a little bitch then.

Needless to say, it was not my fault. It was this little prick chucking snowballs at me for being black. The shove was three years in the making. In fact, I'm not the douche.