Dream No. 5

Wassup bitch? Since it's raining like a fucking dick, I decided to have a "high movie party", where I order pizza from Little Caesars with the new boneless Caesar chicken strips and some good grass I got, pop in a film and watch and shit. Douche thing I did today? I didn't tip the pathetic fuck working there. Rolling the perfect J, I invited my friend Shanya to come over and get high with me. We got hella stoned and she looked through my many DVD's. She saw Deep Blue Sea and she laughed and was like, "Dude...that movie's so old school. Let's watch that shit!" We did. When the movie was over, I felt hella sleepy so I told that bitch to get the fuck off my property. She didn't want to so I told her if she wanted to stay she can fuck off and play my laptop or Xbox or PS3 or Wii or watch cable or some shit, but stay the fuck out of my sight. She agreed and laughed highly. Wanting to only take a small nap, I grabbed a blanket and stipped into my boxers and slept on my Lovesac.

I awoke to find myself on an island. I was still in my boxers. I guess I was a native. On the beach there was a smashed cruise boat and like five passengers. They were all upset or some shit. A captain came to me and said I was out cold for hours. "Fuck you man," I replied, smiling weakly. "What the fuck did you do? Hit an iceberg in the Carribean, you fucking idiot?"

"Actually, you black piece of shit, a shark did it."

I laughed. I looked over and saw someone on the cliffs. They were fighting and one of the guys punched the other off the cliff. I think I knew the puncher, but that wasn't important. The biggest fucking shark I've ever seen in my life promptly jumped out of the water and ate the dude who was screaming as he was dragged into the water. Holy fucking Jesus. Now there's only four of us left. Amongst the us five was a fine ass white bitch with fine titties and her clothes were off. Fucking nice. First plan of action? Get some pussy. Second, get the fuck out of this island. Third plan? Get fucking wasted and forget about all of this. Too long and shit, so I'll abridge the boring parts. Pretty much a 12 minute sex scene with me up in some blonde cunt, bitched out by an old asshole, and being scowled at by the other survival. I got some of what I needed, fuck yourselves. We looked into the water and there was a fucking huge dorsal fin. An airplane tried to come save us and got its shit fucked up cause that shark could fucking jump. A bloody badge washes ashore and the captain became suicidal because his son (the airplane pilot) got eaten so he jumps into the water. The shark grabbed him, tore him to shreds as me and the other dude grabbed his arm and it tore off like a piece of ham. I screamed and the other guy told me to shut the fuck up and started climbing. I did not have time to argue because it was fucking raining, did I forget that? The shark jumped out of the water and mauled the girl. To those who think I gave a shit, I ain't a sucker. I can get a bitch anytime. What it did do, was cause me to literally shit my pants. The guy made it before me to the top, grabbed my hand and helped me up. His backstory was he was some fag who used to deliver pizza who became criminal. He then turned and hit me on the head with a rock. He tried to throw me off the cliff, but I karate chopped him in the neck and kicked him in the shin. I picked him up by the shirt collar and pants and threw him into the water. He held on so I flew in with him. The shark charged at him, tearing him to shreds. The shark looked at me with its black eyes, like saying to me, "It's your turn you asshole bitch". Oh shit.

Then I woke up. Fuck me senseless. I was hella sweaty. I went to take a piss and washed my face. It's still raining like a bitch. I went to the kitchen. Fucking Shanya was there. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked. She told me I said she could stay. She saw I had wood. Then I got a blowjob, but I don't recall how or what I said to get that. All's well ends well.

No you fucking asshole faggot motherfucking piece of shitfaced dickfuck. I'm not afraid of sharks in real life, you assfister. Perhaps my dream journal this time isn't clear for you faggots to read, but that's fine cause I remember it like it was with full detail. Who gives a shit about you? I knew I should have learned the first time smoking marijuana before going to bed, but hey, this was actually pretty cool. Go fuck yourself. The moral of my story is after sleeping, always have a bitch around. Then you can get some head after you wake up. Never a dude, you stupid cocklick. I bet you are gay, you stupid shitbitch.