Great Brown Shit

I submitted my entry to the Mile High Club today. More like the Foot High Club though. Good thing I did it here at school in a public restroom on my floor. Piece of shit wouldn't have gone down my toilet at home. These public restroom toilets have like these built in vacuums or some shit. The force to pull the turd down is that strong. This shit seriously needed all 1.6 gallons of water to flush completely. I must've not shit for days. I wasn't keeping count. The amount of substance needed to comprise a foot long is unparalleled. Yes, once I got that internal feeling that something was backed up in my rectum, I knew this was going to a big one. How big I did not know, but I had to shit really bad. The bathroom was directly across from my room, so it only took like 10 seconds from rest in my room for my ass to be seated on the toilet with all the prearrangements done.

S-H-I-T, SHIT. Stories of Hardship, Interjection, and Triumph. These are the 3 fundamental stages of the defecation process. Damn that shit felt like it was going to explode out of my ass. The experience was painful. Every shit feels like the worst shit you've ever had thus far in your sorry life. It makes you feel like you were never born. This is child labor, giving birth to a turd. This one literally ripped my asshole wide open. I looked down to check on my progress. The head was out. "Push! Fuuuck! Umph! Fucking fuck! Aarrgh! Fuck me! Bitch! Shit! Son of a bitch! Fuck you God!" It just kept going and going and going. Slowly but surely. 4 inches, 5 inches, 6 inches. I'm above average now. 8, 9, 10! Leapshitted 7. This is Frankenstein's baby right here. 11, 11 and a half, and 12, cut-off. "Daaamn," I said as it slipped out at last. I felt so good inside now. Like this heavy weight inside me was finally alleviated. My asshole felt so relieved.

This was a shit of epic proportions. 12 motherfucking inches. A fucking foot long. So long that even though it settled far into the drainage hole, the shit still stuck up maybe 4 inches above surface of the water. You know what that means. I had to bail. And fast. A clean wipe the first try, and I pulled up my pants. I turned around to get one last look at it and kicked the handle. My last impression was that it was a slender, skinny shit, but bone me up the butthole was it the longest shit I had ever conceived in my entire life. Abraham Lincoln would've been proud.