Songs to Shit To

Behold the miracle of iPods and the radio in the bathroom! Now, when I'm in the bathroom dropping deuces, I like it when I have some tunes in the background. Because Herman told me about Shit Week a week prior, I had a week's time to gather extensive data about shit and music. Let's get crackin', you retarded dickmilk.

Here are my Top 5 results.

1. Eye of the Tiger by Survivor
   
   Survivor's song quickly starts your rectum going by a slamming introduction that causes an involuntarily clench that will help start loosening the shit lodged up your asshole. By the time the vocals begin, you're more than halfway done. A quick, efficient way to end a trip to the bathroom. This song is chosen for its status as a pro-athletic song and as you know it, no one takes a dump like an athlete. I'm a fucking athlete, bitch.
2. Tell Me Baby by Red Hot Chili Peppers
   
   The jazzy bass music brought to you by Flea presents to you a funky tune that even your bowels can't resist but to dance to. I'm especially talking about the chorus and the verses. Your shit will groove out like a plant during high speed photosynthesis before you can ask "what's your story?" The reason this song is chosen as Number 2 is because of the ding-dong sound that although may annoy you, it kicks ass in the bathroom. Trust me, shitlick.
3. Drop It Like It's Hot by Snoop Dogg
   
   Personally, I like the beat in the background. Simple and catchy, Snoop's voice makes it sound like you're listening to a mellow radio announcer that will soothe you, and you can take a proper shit in tranquility and peace. One of the best to shit to, yezzir. Snoop is the fucking shit. Fuck y'all. No complaints here, you witless cumchugger.
4. Kids by MGMT
   
   What causes shit to come out better than electronic-dance pop? MGMT takes it all away with a great beat and hypnotic vocals that will probably have you doing the robot while you shell out a few rolls of toilet paper for your filthy asshole. The chorus plays an amazing role in getting pesky shit out. I think this song is best played at the annoying midnight-3am shits. Best for college kids. College life, fuck yeah, you rhoid squeezing cock contrivers. Speaking of college, fuck you Asher Roth. You never went to college you dick deploying shit-for-sale. You pansy-ass queer.
5. Santeria by Sublime
   
   Santeria really does voodoo onto your lower intestines that work wonders. Perhaps your dump may not be the quickest and fastest, but this causes every drop of water to have a sense of jazzy comfort. Awesome reggae beat for a bomber. It helps the most when you know the words to the song. Let's see why this song is great. Cause Sublime's the fucking shit. If you didn't know that, you're a retarded cock-eating fuckwit. Get the fuck out of here. You disgust me.

I have hella songs on my iPod, and there's no fucking way I'm going through all of them. You're just going to have to take my word for it, you anus-wrecking douchebag. That's fucking ridiculous. You're a fucking idiot who needs his balls lopped off. Perhaps music you shit to is something different, but I honestly don't give a fuck what you listen to. You could listen to Party In The U.S.A. on the crapper, and I can give a flying fuck's shit about that. Keep your information to yourself. God, you're fucked up in the head. Go fuck yourself and get the fuck out of my sight, you congruous fuckheaded assmouth.

Just a reminder for you shitwits, two more nights of Shit Week! That's right you dick drinker, you don't want to miss this, you cock-cleaving fag-herding fuck. See you tomorrow, bitch!