OPENING STATEMENT
MR. CARSON: Thank you, your Honor. May it please the Court.
THE COURT: Counsel.
MR. CARSON: Ladies and gentleman of the jury, fuck New York and New Jersey fuckers and all y'all for making fun of Californians for saying "hella" instead of "hell of". They should shut the fuck up about saying "mad" all the time. That was mad funny. That was mad cool. Sounds hella fucking dumb. Being geographically closer to the United Kingdom really has its impressionable effects. They should start saying more British words like bloody and mum. Fucking limeys, the lot of 'em.
On a related note, fuck Marco Polo for bringing Asian tea to Europe and fucking it up. I just spat out a cup of PG Tips tea. Britain's best my ass. My fucking ass. This shit doesn't taste good at all. Ten Ren beats the shit out of PG Tips any day of the week. Any hour of the day. Any minute of the hour. And Any second of the minute. Capiche? Get that fucking limey tea out of my face.
I rest my case.
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