Muties: A Mutist Perspective

The word "mutie" stems from the name given to the X-Men from the X-Men comics. Mutie as in mutant, which is what the X-Men are because they are mutated beings. I was playing the Nintendo GameCube Player's Choice X-Men Legends and always heard a particularly funny line whenever I entered battle. "Think you're bad mutie?" Ever since I heard that, I've been using the word repeatedly in daily life to describe anyone.

Now what defines a mutie or mutant outside of fantasy? In my mind, it's a person who deviates from society's perception of the perfect human being. You an obese fatty? You a mutie. Because the ideal body is thin (but not anorexic). Not fat on top of fat on top of fat. I don't like seeing rolls of fat and fat asses overflowing seats. You a paraplegic or quadriplegic? You a mutie. Why? It's obvious. You're missing a goddamn body part for chrissakes. Any noticeable deformities on another person that make your corresponding body parts feel weird? You a mutie. I'm talking about amputated body parts, extra appendages or the lack of, 3 nipples, etc. So anything abnormal is mutie.

How about the deaf and the blind? No physical deformities. I can tolerate that, but you're still a mutie. The blind with the white in the eyes. Holy shit, you're a zombie mutie. Mute (That's convenient as you will later see)? Don't open your mouth if you have a cut-off tongue please. Otherwise, it's all good.

Here's a freebie, an easy one, a colored person. A white person (not a mutie under this category) is like a canvas. You black (sorry Jones), you a mutie. I'm half gook, so yes, I'm a mutie. If you're not Caucasian, you're a mutie. To sum it up, if you Bob Ross ("Ah what the heck. Little more black, little more yellow.") that clean slate, you a mutie.

Here's such a touchy subject, I'm going to dedicate a paragraph to retards. Some muties don't deserve this kind of respect. Fuck me. Mentally retarded muties are to look at let alone deal with. Bottom line, you fucked up in the head? You a mutie. I don't want you to talk or move. Actually I would rather just not have to look at you. Never seen one before? Stand in front of a mirror (You really need to see this from your perspective). Bend your arm at the elbow and hold it vertical. Hold your hand under your chin, and your arm should touch your chest. Now bend your hand forward so that your palm is facing down. Now do some lazy/crazy eyes, stick your tongue out, and fidget. Make some moaning noises. Voila! Mutie. See this Peter Chao video for more details. Man, imagine having that permanently. Sucks to be you.



Last but very far from least, homosexuals. Let's get straight to the point. How the fuck you going to make babies? Penis plus asshole does not equal babies! Tax dollars to support sexual education wasted because of the faggot in the back of the classroom. No reproduction, no good. Hence mutie. Fuck me up the asshole if the last 2 people on Earth were a gay man and a gay woman. But you can't, ha! Cause I'm dead, and also therefore being deceased, I wouldn't give two shits either. Yeah you get that dick away from me.

If you don't like what I'm saying, I just say shame on you. You know you're a fucking hypocrite. You know you don't like muties. Here's a little questionnaire to shatter your mind. Enlighten yourself. Think of a person who could mug you. Is he black? Don't lie. Damn right he was black as ace of spades. Think of someone who does high school lunch time clean up duty? Wow, you thought of the whole, entire special education class? Me too. Think of someone who works at McDonald's (not me you trash). Does he do you garden too? Yup, you a mutist.

If you don't fit the mute (Even shorter for mutie. Write it down. 1/14/2010 I penned it.) description above, you are still a mutie. You're a mutie for reading this blog. Congratulations, you fall under the trash category. But don't stop reading The Trash Blog (no shame). There's a little mutie in all of us, but some mutes are just more mutie than others. Words of advice to the muties who are less fortunate than others? I don't want to see your ugly ass, so beat it.