Teaching a gook how to drive

I did a solid for my gook of a friend today. I let him drive for the first time behind a wheel in my all new black metallic BMW M3 sedan with 19" rims. But who gives a shit about my $70,000 sports car? I almost died.

You think I should have refused when I learned that the illegal immigrant had failed the written test 8 times, but I'm a good friend who trusted him. However, we switched seats. I showed him the basics to expect in the DMV driving test--the gas and brake pedals, the parking/emergency brake, emergency lights, etc. I instructed him to fire up the engine. This gook was too eager. He quickly changed the transmission to D and floored it. If you've ever been in a vehicle of this caliber, you know that ass gets hauled. "Gook!" I yelled. I grabbed the steering wheel narrowly clipping a curbside parked car. "Brakes!" I yelled. The gook slammed the brakes. My chest collapsed momentarily from the force of being thrown forward. "Next time," I said through gritted teeth, "Wait for my instruction. OK. Put it into Drive and keep your foot on the brake pedal. Now release it, no gas" We inched forward. "Now accelerate slowly." After I felt it was okay to hit the high roads, I instructed him to leave the residential area. "Use the turn signal. OK. Check both ways for traffic, then pull out...Slant eyes!" He hit the brakes instinctively from my shouting. A car zoomed by. "My 'B'," the trash said. I cringed as he once again accelerated hard onto the multi-lane road. There was light traffic, yet he weaved in and out like he needed to be somewhere. Hell I just wanted to be in my bed, safe and sound. "Chinaman, where's the fire?" I said. "We're not in the fucking Tokyo fucking Underground, and this isn't a fucking rice rocket. That's fucking it. Stop the fucking car. Get the fuck out. I'm fucking driving."

Next time. You know what? There won't be a next time. Find someone else to risk his life and another car to possibly wreck. I just experienced a (former) Asian stereotype first hand. Gook. I'm done.